


THIS IS THE ENDGAME

by Krafter2014



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Civil War Team Iron Man, Crack Treated Seriously, Not Steve Friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:49:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23362741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krafter2014/pseuds/Krafter2014
Summary: Endgame reimagined after thinking about *War Of The Worlds*.
Comments: 35
Kudos: 245





	THIS IS THE ENDGAME

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnonEhouse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/gifts).



> This is a completely crack fix-it and totally NOT MEDICALLY CORRECT! It is also, obviously, not compliant with Infinity War or Endgame. Still not Steve or TeamCaptainAmerica friendly, read at your own risk.

It's the endgame! 

Tony really felt that should be in all caps, but he just didn't feel well enough to be even apprehensive. He'd been dreading this moment for absolutely years. ULTRON and Civil War had happened with their associated betrayals (he hated seeing the ScAvengers anywhere near him) since he had first seen the main enemy forces through that portal and now that he was actually facing Thanos…. he had a cold. He'd thought Extremis prevented colds, he was so disappointed, but "needs must" and here he was, sniffling and sneezing away while fighting (he was definitely trashing this disgusting helmet when everything was over, though).

They'd all been fighting so well and Tony, Vision, Loki, and Dr. Strange had been holding Thanos himself back, when he'd just grabbed Tony out of the air and ripped his face shield off. Tony was so not looking forward to the Villain's Monologue (copyright pending) as Thanos held him right in front of his face (Tony wondered if maybe Thanos needed glasses?). But just as Thanos was inhaling to start up, Tony felt a tickle at the back of his throat and sneezed right into Thanos' face. 

Tony could see out of the corner of his eye as Dr. Strange's face lit up and he waved his green glowing pendant at Thanos (and Tony in his grasp, Tony was not enthused about this AT ALL). When the green glow enveloped both Thanos and Tony, Tony felt like he was going to DIE, the cold's symptoms got suddenly worse, but then they started to improve. He felt even better as Thanos' grip loosened and he was able to break free and try to figure out what happened. No one appeared to be taking advantage of the fact that Thanos was collapsing for no apparent reason, so Tony ordered everyone else to follow his lead in renewing the attack (then muttered to himself about how he had to do everything himself, which made Dr. Strange sniff at him and the bedraggled Captain America proclaim "stop the chatter, Tony" over the coms. Tony could also hear Black Widow saying something involving Tony's ego, and Tony noticed Rogers didn't say anything to HER!).

Tony fired both his missiles and repulsors at Thanos' face while Vision concentrated on the Gauntlet with its three Stones and both Loki and Dr. Strange used their spells (and Loki threw his conjured knives, too). Most of the other Terran combatants still had to focus on Thanos' army (and even as distracted as he was now, Tony could see almost everyone else was doing better against them than the ScAvengers, but then, they were just there as cannon fodder now, really, after they ran out of ammunition and were now fighting at close range only). Vision pulled the Gauntlet off Thanos' arm and everyone, including his own fighters, watched as Thanos crumpled to the ground turning blue instead of his normal purple. Tony felt his (very dignified, really Rhodey, it didn't sound like a football fan whooping for their underdog team winning, at all) announcement of their win was the least he could do, especially since all of Thanos' army unexpectedly collapsed immediately after he did, just like in New York after Tony took the bomb through the portal.

Tony could hear all the ScAvengers start screaming for them to stop as Vision pulled the Gauntlet on his left hand while Tony, Dr. Strange and Loki took hold of his right arm (just like they'd planned if they were able to capture the Gauntlet). Multicolored lights surrounded the four of them as everyone on the battlefield heard "WE ARE PLEASED. YOU DO NOT WANT TO USE US FOR YOUR OWN BENEFITS, BUT SELFLESSLY TO HELP EVERYONE ELSE. WE WILL COMPLY WITH YOUR WISHES AND ALL THAT CAN BE CORRECTED THAT THANOS DID, WILL BE, INCLUDING REVERSING ALL DAMAGE TO THIS PLANET. HOWEVER, OFF THIS PLANET, THE CORRECTION WILL NOT ALL HAPPEN AT THE SAME TIME (Time, stop chuckling, non-Terrans won't understand the pun) (so what, I do) TO ALLOW FOR THE GALAXY TO ADJUST TO THE NEW/RETURNED CONDITIONS. ALSO, NORMALLY, OUR WIELDER (single only, you notice) (Soul, really?) WOULD HAVE TO PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE FOR USING ALL OF US TOGETHER, BUT DUE TO BOTH YOUR UNSELFISH AGENDA (totally unprecedented) (stop commenting individually) AND THE UNIQUE FACT THAT THE FOUR OF YOU ARE SHARING OUR POWER (it certainly hasn't happened before) (Shut up, Power) YOU WILL NOT BE HARMED AND INSTEAD WILL END UP AT EACH OF YOUR INDIVIDUAL OPTIMUM CONDITIONS (whatever they might be) (is that necessary, Reality? And don't 'really, Space' at me either). NOW, WE THANK YOU, OUR WIELDERS, AND WE WILL BE FINDING OUR OWN PATHS FROM NOW ON (you will be, I'm staying right where I am). (Shut up, yourself, Mind.)" 

Tony wasn't sure if everyone else was hearing the parts of the speech that he could almost see in parentheses or if he was the only one. He told himself to check later. The light show around them seemed to intensify, then stop completely as three different colored and glowing balls headed away from the battlefield. Tony realized he wasn't the only one shaking his head in surprise at still being alive. Vision still had the Gauntlet, but there were no Stones attached to it, even though the Mind Stone still glowed in his forehead. Loki's surprised "Oh!" brought Tony's attention to the blue Stone in Loki's hand just before Loki sent it into one of his pocket dimensions (Tony reminded himself he still had to get Loki to explain those). Dr. Strange's hand clasped his intact green Amulet with almost no visible tremors. 

Tony asked "Did anyone expect THAT?" and Dr. Strange smiled as he said "It was a Schrödinger's cat type of 'one win out of millions' solution. It probably didn't help that I had just watched the original War Of the Worlds movie before looking at futures. But I really didn't see anything in this timeline after Thanos dieing from a Terran virus and, like the rest of us, thought we four would be destroyed like everyone else who tried to use the combined Stones without them being confined to the Gauntlet."

"What are you talking about?! What happened? Who said you or those other criminals could use the Infinity Stones? I should have been the one to do it! HaChuu…" Steve Rogers standing there with the rest of the ScAvengers complaining at Tony was something Tony should have expected, but the sneeze was a surprise. Tony saw the other Terran defenders start to surround the group as Tony and his team turned around to face them. 

"If you actually read any of the e-mails you were sent during the planning for this battle, you would know getting the Gauntlet away from Thanos and our using it against him was the goal from the beginning. Loki, Vision, and Dr. Strange had and still have Infinity Stones of their own that they have used responsibly. I was included as the coordinator and focus. None of us are criminals, unlike you, and you have a lot of gall saying we are!", a pause to take a deep breath, "Stephen, why did I get over my cold so fast?"

"I sped up time around you and Thanos to accelerate the course of the illness and I think the Stones helped. Thanos would never have thought to protect himself from a virus since he thought he was essentially immortal/invulnerable. The glow around you two wasn't just green. I think they also moved the residual infection to another person," Dr. Strange pointedly looked at the coughing and sneezing (while not covering his mouth, of course) Captain America. "The serum is no match for the Infinity Stones, after all."

"Well, that cold virus did overcome my Extremis, so it must be pretty potent. Do we need to watch out for more cases and will they be serious for baseline people?" Tony gleefully watched as even his own teammates got as far away from the visibly (and audibly) ill Rogers as possible in the surrounding crowd.

"You know I'm not that kind of doctor, but …" 

"YOU DO NOT NEED TO WORRY. WE HAVE ALTERED THIS VIRUS SO IT WILL BE NON-LETHAL AND ONLY AFFECT PEOPLE WITH A SPECIFIC ENHANCEMENT INSTEAD OF ALL ENHANCED BEINGS (stupid HYDRA) (Time, be quiet). CAPTAIN AMERICA'S SUPERSOLDIER SERUM ENHANCEMENT TO BE EXACT. ANYONE WITH OR TRYING TO OBTAIN THAT SERUM IS NOW EXTREMELY SUSCEPTIBLE TO IT AS WELL AS ALL 'COMMON COLD' VIRUSES. IT IS A GIFT TO OUR WIELDERS."

Tony shook his head again trying to get the ringing in his ears and saw almost everyone else doing the same thing. "Is THIS going to be common because it will get old fast if it is." 

"NO, WE SIMPLY WANTED TO SAY A LAST GOOD BYE AND THANK YOU TO THE ONLY ONES WHO WILL EVER BE ACCEPTED AS THE WIELDERS OF OUR COMBINED MIGHT. WE WILL NEVER ALLOW ANYONG ELSE TO COLLECT US ALL IN THE SAME PLACE EVER AGAIN! UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN AT THE END OF ALL!"

"Well, as if that isn't disconcerting enough, has anyone else realized something about our Wielders?" Rhodey happily claimed everyone's attention making them all (except the incapacitated Steve Rogers and the medics trying to attend to him) look at Tony's four person team. Exclamations abounded as others saw what Rhodey had noticed. "You all look younger and healthier than you were before the battle, Tony." Rhodey said as he claimed his BFF privileges and hugged Tony as well as he could with both of them in armor. Rhodey's eyes danced as he saw Thor lift Loki off the ground while Loki tried hard to stab him but couldn't get any leverage in his surprise. Both Vision and Dr. Strange took the precaution of lifting off the ground before they could be grabbed. 

When Tony caught his breath and had his feet on the ground again, he proclaimed "You all know what this means, don't you? PARTY TIME!!!!"

The celebrations occurred across the galaxy and lasted for days. It turned out the Stones had made sure EVERY sentient being everywhere heard and understood their explanation. The WIELDERS were famous, but unknown outside those actually involved in the battle who, it became known, could not identify them to anyone who didn't already know who they were (the Stones weren't stupid and did want to prevent potential future problems for their favorites).

Post script: Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes ended up quarantined for their own protection after they both caught back-to-back-to-back colds in the weeks following the battle. While the Hulk did not seem to be affected, possibly due to the gamma radiation involved in his creation, Natasha Romanoff was exposed as having a weak SuperSoldier Enhancement herself (probably from the serum stolen at the same time as the Starks' murders) when she caught a cold for the very first time in her post-Red Room life and was also placed in protective quarantine. Tony decided he and his friends were well entitled to the Schadenfreude they felt.

**Author's Note:**

> I was reading fanfic, and thinking about old favorites (both fanfic and not, as you do) and how circumstances change how you think about them, when the ending of the original novel/movie *War Of The Worlds" came to mind. I hope this little story will bring a smile to your face.  
> Note-the capitalization is deliberate, please don't complain.  
> Inspired by several Covid19 based stories, especially those by AnoEhouse (read them :)


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